Pie Shop Letters

Letters
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Contract for Services (illuskan) DC 15 Spellcraft – Contract of Nephias

I, Festus Brandyweather do agree on this day Hammer the Fifth, to kill Mordicai Nasher. I will be payed a bonus sum if I am to retrieve anything of value to put toward his debt. I am not associated with the Guild, nor the Blade, and to admit to any knowledge of either is breach of contract. Payment upon completion is 400 gold. Breach of contract or failure to comply will result in blindness and or death by contract.

Festus Brandyweather

The Chef
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Regional Accounts (illuskan)

15 Barrels – Sorry! Sexual ill – Lantan, Sembia, Haalrua.
5 Barrels – Retarded mortals – Bezantur.
Hate Bled – Bauldurs Gate, Luskan, Waterdeep, Neverwinter.
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Letter – (in illuskan)

Butcher, (or whoever is reading this to that dumb, illiterate bastard)

I trust you are enjoying all the delicious pies? Good! Stay the fuck out of those barrels meatsack, and guard them till the next ship arrives. Gartha should be there friday to pick up RED shipment. The ::RED:: shipment. Even you can’t screw this up. Just make sure Wonderboy and the Fuck Knights of Sploosh don’t show up. The connecting tunnel we created will link you to the Neverwinter Thieve’s guild and the docks. Speak the words.

I will meet you at our new headquarters in Derlusk when I have finished rallying the other Blade Fundamentalists in Zazesspur. Neverwinter has become far too dangerous to continue operations, do what you can to smooth the transition.

The Chosen will fall. The war is coming.

In the name of Gold, Guild, and Gargauth

The Chef
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Poems

Here’s to the man from Kent.
who had such a big one it bent.
to stay out of trouble,
he stuck it in double,
and instead of coming he went.

An Ode to Kitchenware

Oh frying pan that cooketh eggs
and lovely mug with coffee dregs
thank thou both that thou do be
or I would leave my home hungry.

scrawled on the side: I should have been a poet.

Pie Shop Letters

The Brotherhood of the Blade Habal